Ditch the Fear, Embrace Change

Ditch the fear and embrace change

Today we are going to learn how to ditch the fear and embrace change. Change, it’s a dirty scary word. I hate change, and I know I’m not alone.  Recently, in the face of what happened during this pandemic, I have found myself staring directly into the face of change. It’s a face I’m not a fan of.  I’ve spent my life pondering making decisions because I’m afraid of what happens if I make the wrong one.  I have been the QUEEN of playing it safe.  Why? Well simple really, I worked hard for my sense of certainty.   

Now when I say I have spent my life pondering decisions I really mean it. I’ve waisted SO MUCH TIME just trying to figure out “should I” or “shouldn’t I”.  Really. When I bought my first car I sat at the dealership for close to 10 hours debating if I wanted to take on the financial burden of a car loan.  It took my best friend showing up at the lot asking me “Amber do you like the car? Do  you want the car?”  To which I said yes to both, she then said “the sign the damn papers!” I signed the damn papers and ended up loving that car for years to come!  My point is, the fear of committing to the kind of change in my life at that time, stopped me dead in my tracks. 

You aren’t alone in your fear of change

It’s no surprise, most people are afraid of change.  Nothing really sucks more than the uncertainty of what comes along with any kind of change.  As a matter of fact, your brain is hardwired to avoid uncertainty. When our sense of certainty has been satisfied, we experience a response that is similar to that one handed out by the reward/pleasure center of the brain.  So it’s no real mystery why most humans avoid change like a snake coiled to bite us! The good news is we are going to learn how to ditch the fear and embrace change!

Your brain reacts to uncertainty like something bad has happened. An error has occurred in the pattern of logic your brain uses to process.  As with anything bad, you are hardwired to protect yourself from it.  Yet change doesn’t have to be bad.  Think about it for a minute, that fear of change holds us back from so many things.  We stay stuck in jobs we hate, unhealthy relationships, and situations that offer us no growth.   We pass up countless opportunities that would probably enrich the value of our lives and set us on the true path of fulfillment we were always meant to be on. All because fear has us stuck in  “comfort” land.

 

 

 

look fear in the face

What happens when we are forced into making a life-altering change?

Well, this is a really good question. What happens when change is thrust upon you and you have no control over what is happening? How do you take the fear out of change when it wasn’t even your choice?  Truth is, these moments are probably the scariest and most honest moments in our lives.  

Sitting here writing this post, I have a letter next to me from my employer stating that come September I’m more than likely going to be permanently laid off.  Now mind you, I have already fully committed to becoming a full time blogger with my focus on helping people.  So why should potentially losing my job have any kind of effect on me you might ask. It’s a fair question, one a few of my friends have actually asked.  Simple answer, I’ve been doing my job for 18 years. I’m good at it, and it makes great money.  I live in “comfort land”.   Let me really drop some truth here, my job doesn’t fulfill me in any way, and the reality is my social anxiety has grown so much that the idea of being in crowds (as my job was in) sends a panic bubble straight to my chest. 

So you reading this are probably puzzled as to why the change is freaking me out.  Uncertainty, plain and simple. The day I got the letter I felt like a hole had been punched into my chest. My certain little world was now teetering on collapse.  That fear led to a nonstop onslaught of insecurities about my future. Will my blog take off? How will I pay my bills and support Rebel? If you’ve been forced out of a job or a relationship where you felt stable,  being thrust into uncertainty is a terrifying new world! 

Sometimes that scary change, is really a door of opportunity

I’m not going to lie, I took a few days to have a small meltdown.  I cried a lot, doubted my ability to help others with my story, and mostly sat here afraid of the future.  Then I remembered something, everyone gets an opportunity to make the greatest change of their lives. To find the ultimate path they were always destined for.  Now I’m not here to tell you what to believe in, if you believe in anything at all, but I AM here to share my story.  Therefore I will be honest in saying, I know God put me on this path. 

My whole life all I’ve ever been searching for was a way to help others and myself. To be a source of healing and balance in this world. Probably because I’ve needed that balance and healing my whole life as well.   After I calmed down I realized very simply that God had me. I live by faith and now was the time I needed to have it the most. 

Maybe God isn’t your thing, perhaps you believe in destiny or the cosmic forces of the universe. It doesn’t matter. What matters is when the world opens a door for you, you don’t miss going through it just because you’re afraid of what is on the other side!

time to take the next step

How do we take the fear out of change then

Oh, it sounds beautiful, doesn’t it?  Let’s get rid of that fear! So what do we in the face of scary old change?

Accept it.  

If it’s a change you can’t control, like losing a job or a relationship ending or perhaps a loss in your life, then dwelling over it and being afraid of it won’t make it go away.  Life is about growth, and as scary as it sounds, change is ALL about getting opportunities to grow.  If you hide from the opportunities to grow, then are you really even living?  Accept that it’s happened, have yourself a good cry, or even a mini-meltdown.  Then, pick up your chin, square those shoulders, and look that fear in the eye. 

Find the positive.  

What opportunities does this bring to your life? Can you change careers into something you’ve always wanted?. Do you want to go back to school?  What about being brave and working on that long-hidden secret dream you’ve always held close to your heart? Just because this door is closing, doesn’t mean that your life is over. That door was meant to close, you’ve finished the chapter of that book. It’s time for a new one. It’s time to find out what and who you are really meant to be in this life.  What are the bright sides? For me, I have no choice now but to find a new job right?  Except this time why can’t it be something I’ve dreamed about doing my whole life?

Step outside of your comfort zone

We are NOT meant to live a sad and complacent life. We are beautiful and amazing creatures, capable of so many things.  Yet we live in fear of our own greatness. Fear of uncertainty, of not being successful or good enough, and that fear stifles us. It chokes a person down, and forces them into submission of a dull and redundant life.  You weren’t meant for a dull and redundant life my friend, and neither am I.  Be patient, and yeah a dose of rationality doesn’t hurt, but please step out of that comfort zone. Take the power back over the fear and move forward into that next chapter, bravely and with purpose.  Most importantly, BE EXCITED!

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is change is inevitable, but fear is a prison.  It’s not easy, but nothing in this life worth doing ever really is.  So lets recap, how do we take the fear out of change?  

Step 1) acceptance – realize this change is happening and that you need it for growth

Step 2) Find the positive – look at everything you can gain, not what you lost!

Step 3) for godsakes get out of your comfort zone! – stop being comfortable, its time to take a chance and LIVE

There you have it, my friends! Ditch the fear, embrace change, and live your life the absolute fullest!  Until next time, remember you’re never alone!

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Amber

Tired of battling low self-esteem, zero self-worth, and an emotional eating addiction, Amber created Amberable to share her journey with those who may be struggling. Hoping to empower, inspire and heal others like herself