Self-hatred: The fight to be normal

Normal Vs the Universe

Self-hatred and the Fight to be normal! Somewhere along the way, we forgot that being unique is a beautiful thing. This fear of being different has created in us a driving need that strives for perfection in a universe that is perfectly beautiful in its IMPERFECTION.

Yes, you read that right. The most amazing things in this world are often the most imperfections that the universe delights in providing us with.  Therefore, How can you be or feel normal for a world that demands normality, when you were born into a universe that celebrates the uniqueness of life?  Well, the short and simple answer is, you can’t.

What is normal?

What is it to be “normal” and why is it important? Well, let’s take a look at it. When we are young we are told we are special, unique. We were told as children how smart and talented we are. We were praised for standing out as tiny little humans.

Somewhere along the way, from the time we were young until we are adults we trade in the wonder of being unique for the safety of “fitting in”.  Once, being different meant being ahead of the crowd, a shining star. Now we live in fear of being anything but normal. Why?  I believe it has a lot to do with that crappy inner voice monster that I wrote about a few weeks ago.

What happened to being Different?

Think about it for a minute. Think about how you feel if you don’t feel “normal”. Growing up school began to teach us that being different wasn’t okay.  Therefore, being left out or learning that you didn’t look the same as other kids created a new perception. Whether it was your body shape, your skin color, hair color, weight, or clothes. You weren’t the same. You were DIFFERENT.  Moreover, being different was not okay.

It’s during these times that the word different takes on a new meaning. You no longer feel positive about being different. There is no longer a star shine around your world. Your inner critic wakes up right away and immediately starts in. Creating a war inside your brain that leads ultimately to you hating the things that make you different. This is the root of self-hatred.

Why are We So Desperate To Be Normal?

I had a conversation with a friend recently about her medications. She has kidney issues and needs to take medications to regulate them and live. This is how her body functions.  She told me that when she looks at her medications they remind her that she “isn’t normal”

All I could think to say in return is “what’s wrong with that?”  Why are we so focused on fitting into a description that means absolutely nothing? Again, it goes back to that understanding or feeling that to be different is to be bad.  I told my friend that she is perfectly normal. Her body just needs a bit more upkeep.


stop living life on autopilot

Guess What, It’s okay to be Different

We all have our thing that makes us different. Above all, we were never created to be uniform and identical. I don’t need to hate myself because I have a belly and a butt.  And yet I do. I cringe, just like everyone else, when I look in the mirror, or see how differently  I am shaped. It took a minute to understand the pain that comes inside from not feeling normal. Just because I say we should celebrate our differences doesn’t mean I don’t fall prey to the same traps. The same self-hatreds.

Sometimes, that hatred creates a deep well of hopelessness inside me. I want to crawl away from my own body and find myself in something that doesn’t draw people’s eyes. Yet more than that, I want to stop obsessing over every little thing that makes me different. IT’S EXHAUSTING!

How to Crush the Self-hatred

Seriously, the energy I spend on a daily basis fighting that inner critic telling me how different and bad I am, could be spent elsewhere. In much more productive and loving ways. So how do we do it? How do we crush that soul-sucking cycle of self-hatred? Here are 3 Steps I’ll share with you.

Put Your inner critic in Time out

Now I’ve done an entire post on how to tame the little mean voice in your head. So I won’t be going too deeply into this other than to say, winning the war against self-hatred starts with the thing that started the war in the first place.  I get it, the little bastard is stubborn. As a result, he has become used to living in your head, and he’s super cozy.  It’s time to put that voice on time out. You can find more in-depth steps to doing that by reading How To Silence Your Inner Critic.

Get rid of normal, embrace imperfections

I’ve read a lot of steps, and researched a lot of “how-to” guides when it comes to ending the cycle of self-hatred. Yet one of the things I rarely if ever see is the step that encourages you to stop obsessing over what’s normal.

Seriously, stop it! You are an amazing, beautiful, talented, and funny person full of worth! Furthermore, I hope you realize that the truest form of self-love is to EMBRACE the brilliant uniqueness that you and ONLY you can bring into this world.

The next time you have the thought cross your mind that you aren’t “normal” I expect you to look yourself in the eye (mentally or even in a mirror, why not!) and tell yourself “Damn right I’m not, I”m BRILLIANT”.


Find forgiveness

There is always a certain sense of shame or guilt that comes along with self-hatred. Furthermore, there is a sense of blame because you aren’t “normal” that it’s your fault. Likewise, that you should be punished for being different.

I hope, by now,  you understand that you should be celebrated for being different. Not punished.  Forgive yourself whatever imperfections that cause your mind to screech at you. Turn that shame into a sense of gratitude that you aren’t boring and just like everyone else. Most importantly, forgive yourself for all the harsh things you say about yourself.  Don’t you think it’s time to stop beating yourself up? Go on, give yourself a little hug. We all need those!

You Don’t Have to be Normal To Love Yourself

To sum it all up, you are beautifully unique.  There is no need to be normal, or fit into some sort of description to feel whole and amazing. To see yourself through eyes of love and acceptance.  Embracing who you are and what you bring to this planet is a precious gift.  Practice acceptance, forgiveness, and kindness towards yourself. The more you do it, the easier it will become to see how overrated normal is.  Most importantly, don’t forget that you are unique, and you are NEVER ALONE!  Until next time folks be safe and love yourself!

You may also like…

The Foundation of Friendship

The Foundation of Friendship

Well hello, friends!  I know it’s been a little bit since my last blog entry. The truth is my life underwent a major...

The Practice of Self Appreciation

The Practice of Self Appreciation

It’s easier to find gratitude for others We are now deeply embedded in the season of giving thanks and it’s time to...


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

The following two tabs change content below.


Tired of battling low self-esteem, zero self-worth, and an emotional eating addiction, Amber created Amberable to share her journey with those who may be struggling. Hoping to empower, inspire and heal others like herself