Why is it so hard to be Happy?

Why is it so hard to be happy?

Why is it so hard to be happy?  It’s an interesting question. Honestly, I think it boils down to a very simple, very basic fear.  The fear that we truly don’t deserve happiness. That we aren’t good enough for something so great.  We don’t add up, or aren’t enough.  

This fear creeps up and takes over our subconscious before we even realize its there. Even some of the most successful people I know still don’t understand what it means to be happy. What is sad is that some people never get the chance to experience what true happiness is. 

The definition of happiness is multifaceted and elusive

Seriously, you could ask 100 people what makes them happy, and you would get 100 different answers.  Mostly because real joy is relative to the person experiencing it.  The idea of happiness in itself is elusive and somewhat vague.  If you told me “raising a bunch of kids and being a wonderful stay at home mom” is the vision you have of happiness, I would smile for you but probably not understand it. To me, that sounds like a nightmare! (well not the stay at home part because honestly working from/at home is the best thing in the world for me). 

What makes one person happy, won’t be the same for the next 25 people you meet.  Not only is that okay, it’s amazing!  The best thing about wanting to be happy is that it can come in so many shapes and sizes.  Giving it even more of a chance to bring light into your life. 

Why do you struggle to find happiness?

If there are so many reasons to find for each person to be happy, why do we struggle with it so much?  Like I said earlier, my theory on this is that most of us don’t feel like we deserve it.  Other common reasons are fear, being comfortable in being unhappy (this one can be a doozy!), and a big one is the chronic need for outside validation.

Falling into any of these categories can make feeling the peace of true happiness seem like it’s just outside of your reach.  Like any other part of personal growth, you are going to have to be willing to face some hard truths about what you’ve been chasing, and where it has led you in life to leave you feeling as if you can’t be happy. 

Feeling like you don’t deserve to be happy

For some reason, quite a few of us feel like this.  If you aren’t quite sure what I mean, let me ask you this; Have you ever had something really good happen to you, like a new relationship, or a new job offer, and the entire time these events are happening you feel like you are holding your breath? Perhaps waiting for the other shoe to drop?  It’s because somewhere inside that magnificent brain of yours, you got the message that you weren’t good enough to feel happy. 

Not loving yourself enough, causes so much pain in your life!  I know it’s not easy to do sometimes, but the root of almost any problem or hardship you face in life is based on the level of belief and love you have in yourself. Remember that you ARE worthy of complete happiness. You deserve it just as much as any other soul on this planet.  Most importantly, you were MADE for happiness, joy, peace, and love.  Somewhere along the way, you may have forgotten this, but it’s never too late to remind yourself.

fear and self-doubt steal happiness

Fear steals all forms of joy

If you are asking yourself why is it so hard to be happy, the odds are you battle fear in your life. Fear is a big part of my battle with feeling joy.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted nothing more than to be thin, or a healthy weight.  Yet anytime I had any measure of success, the fear would take hold of me and I would sabotage it. The fear of success, of change, of not truly being happy after I lost the weight. 

Fear is a very powerful demotivator. It creates a terrible cycle of self-doubt and over-thinking which inevitably leaves you drained and ready to quit whatever it was you were considering doing.  The most damaging thing about fear is that it keeps us stuck.  Stuck feeling miserable, stuck in jobs we have no passion for, relationships that aren’t healthy, and in a life that isn’t worthy of the greatness that is you!  If you find yourself falling prey to fear, I would suggest finding a therapist just due to how destructive fear can be in our lives.  Sometimes talking to friends or family can help, but usually, the fear is such a deeply seeded issue within our hearts that professional help would be the best route to beat it!

Being miserable is addictive, being happy takes work.

I want you to read that again. Being miserable is addictive, being happy takes work.  The old saying of “misery loves company” is true. If you surround yourself with people who aren’t very happy, like to complain all the time, and are just generally unpleasant to be around, odds are you won’t be finding a hidden pots of sunshine around them. 

This is also the case if you are one of those people. A bit of tough love is coming up so *trigger warning!*.  If you find that you are someone who complains about everything, and are just generally a big grump to be around, then here’s your wake up call. STOP SUCKING UP ALL THE JOY AROUND YOU! IT’S OKAY TO BE HAPPY!!!

Getting stuck in the cycle of being miserable has the reward of often getting attention. Even if it’s bad attention.  We mistake that for care from others and use that to fuel our need for validation.  It’s false, and instead of creating more light and joy to add to the world, you end up sucking up the joy other people have so preciously created in their own life! 

Seeking Validation Creates unrealistic expectations.

Most of us in today’s world don’t even know how out of touch we are with our sense of self.  We look at other people through social media and see that perceived “happiness”. It’s something we want, we need.  In that obsessive need to be seen and validated by others, we have completely let go of what makes us happy.  Suddenly we find ourselves just shy of the right side of joy, and constantly asking the question why is it so hard to be happy?

Unfortunately, the pressure we put on ourselves by comparing our lives to others, has created this sense that if we aren’t “happy” then life is meaningless.  In pursuit of that picture-perfect happy life, we end up losing sight of what it truly means to allow ourselves to be happy. 

Think about it, if you post a picture on Instagram or Facebook and no one reacts to it, you are left feeling invisible, perhaps like you don’t measure up.  The idea of sharing your life with others through the internet, in theory, is a great one.  Yet due to human nature and our need to compete, it backfired and turned us all into validation seeking, judgment having, social media monsters!  I say that lovingly, because trust me I am just as bad as anyone else! I remember how a single negative comment on one of my blog posts set me off my center for weeks!  

Studies have also shown that extensive use of social media can lead to depression and lowered self-esteem. You can read more on that if you are interested at the National Library of Medicine.


why is it so hard to be happy

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that if you find yourself asking why is it so hard to be happy, then it’s time to figure out what it takes in your life to create that happiness.  That means realizing you are good enough for anything you want in this world. You are MORE THAN ENOUGH! If you have a job you want to go for, a career change, a relationship, or any other number of things that look like happiness to you, then there should be nothing holding you back. 

Stop seeking the approval and validation of others to feel happy.  Keep your dreams and goals close to your heart and focus on them every day.  Being happy takes work!  You have to put into your life what you want to get out of it to create that joy

Remember, that even if others don’t believe in you, or give you the support you want, it doesn’t mean that you can’t find happiness without it.  You can. All you truly need is belief in yourself. Value who you are as precious life in this crazy universe!  The more you dive into that energy and light, the more it will seek you out and surround you with the right kind of people you need.  God, the universe, whatever is your higher power, is listening. You were made to bring peace and light into being. Drowning in misery, or living a dull life was not what you were meant for.

Until next time friends, stay safe, and know you are never alone!

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Tired of battling low self-esteem, zero self-worth, and an emotional eating addiction, Amber created Amberable to share her journey with those who may be struggling. Hoping to empower, inspire and heal others like herself